Sunday night rambles

It is Sunday night at 9:30 and work comes too early tomorrow. I spent the day with my son yesterday at Cabelas. What a treat. I also caused a major faux paux. I don't know how I am going to live with the guilt. I guess it's a bad bad bad thing to mention the fact that someone is carrying a weapon. Not like I announced it on the loud speaker or yelled it across the room, I just read the sign and said do you need to check in???? So anyway, once again, I APOLOGIZE, PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS.

Ok on to other things. I made bread yesterday, and it's a miracle, it turned out pretty good. I like making my own bread because it's a challenge and I have struggled to be able to do it well. There are so many things I can't do that most times I feel like a big looser. I can't add in my head, heck I can barely work an adding machine (showing my age because most people born in the last 30 years don't even know what that is, now a days they are called "graphing calculators" and I can't hardly run one of those either). I can't do jigsaw puzzles, I have a hard time making small talk because I always end up sounding like an idiot, I am not a very good wife because I won't make phone calls, and on and on and on, so anyway, I make bread.

This has been a pity party kind of day and I don't even know why. Started out pretty good, then I got out of bed and it went pretty much down hill from there. On well, I have learned on days like that, it's pretty much over in about 24 hours if you can just breathe through it and tomorrow is another day.

I think it kind of started yesterday when I went to visit my mother. She is 77 years old and has struggle for the last 5 years. She suffered pretty severe depression when my father died, then she moved in with my sister and helped them for quite a few years taking care of their son while they worked. Then in July of 2005 she had a stroke. My sister's life changed drastically because she stays home and cares for my Mom. I live with a lot of guilt because I could do it but am glad that I don't have to. I don't have the kind of home that Mom could live in, too many stairs, and my bedroom is down stairs. But I feel bad because I think about all that my sister and brother have sacrificed. I am never going to be able to repay my brother-in-law. Their life pretty much runs around my mother (who is not always the most grateful person in the world).

Anyway, I went to see my Mom and she wasn't feeling well so she was being the queen of the day lounging in her jamas watching TV in her room. She looks so small sometimes and I wonder how much more she can take. She had the stroke, then she ended up having heart surgery and really struggled with both. Then in September of this year, she fell and broke her leg. Back to the nursing home for 2 and a half months. While at the nursing home, she quit eating. I really wondered if she was giving up. But she is home again and looks like she is doing better. Except somedays she really seems to not be as alert as others. And I worry about what is going to happen to my sister when she passes away. It will be so hard for her.

So I just pray a little harder and try to love her a little more. Oh well, that 24 hours, they are almost up, and if I sleep them away, tomorrow is another day.